Kellogg's Korner

I am sitting here at work, all the tasks for the day done. My supervisor was looking at ways to work out the 4×10 work week. We are supposed to me moving to that schedule this weekend. I also volunteered to work the Mid-shift on thanksgiving day. This doesn’t bother me, my family is not in town anyway, so I am not going to miss any thing.

These things are not the problem. I was just sitting here and a way of nervous anxiety swept over me. I felt as if I was doing something wrong and about to get caught. I don’t know what came over me to cause these feeling. As I sat here and though about what it could be, the feeling only got worse. Was I feeling guilty about the work schedule I proposed a few weeks ago? That is one of the issues that my Supervisor was looking at. When you just look at the schedule you see that each person has 6 consecutive days off. They don’t like the look of the consecutive days off, but you also have to look at the 8 consecutive working days. I also looked at other ways to work out a rotating 3 day off schedule. I am not sure, but I don’t think this is what cause the anxiety attack.

I have also been sitting her with the down time and trying to plan out a Mission Run for my FFXI team. We are working on setting up a static team to do Mission runs on the weekends. This coming Sunday we are going to do a Promyvion-Mea run. Right now I have 5/6 party members, and I was looking at the beast party se-up I can make with the jobs they can use for the run. I also sent a message to a friend that I know wants to do the Mission runs and has a job that I NEED for the party set-up. Once again this is in the down time when there is not really anything going on.

I am also trying to contact my reserve unit in Montgomery, AL, about my sign on bonus. I have not received it yet, and it has been 3 months since I have moved over to the reserve side. When I contacted DFAS, they told me that my unit needed to submit some paperwork. I e-mailed them asking what I needed to do to get the ball rolling on this. I hate E-mail for one reason, I feel as if they are going to think I am being pushy. With out the voice tones in the message I am afraid that they may be the wrong meaning. The only reason I am e-mailing them is that no one is answering when I call.

Coupled along side the Bonus issue in the bills that I have been putting off. There are several bills that are now way past due, and I can not catch up on them fully with out the Reserve bonus. This coming paycheck I am planning on giving them some money, but I need to call them to set up payment arrangement. This might be what is causing the anxiety, due to the fact that I am still awaiting my full TS clearance investigation. But once again I am not sure.

The other thing I was thinking is the PTSD that they say I don’t have. These feelings come and go. Some times I just feel like something is wrong when nothing is. I just have a fear that something is going to happen or something has happened. I don’t know what to do about it. When I went in to the Phyc evaluation getting out of the army they said it was not PTSD but PDSD (post Deployment Stress Disorder) when I looked up PDSD it said the effects are temporary and go away in 6 -12 months. It has been almost 4 years, when is it going to end? When is the feeling that something is wrong going to go away? When is my life going to get back to what it was.? Why do I get angry so easily? Why wont they help me? Here it comes again. Why do I want to cry? Why am I crying?

It gets worse when Teresa and the girls are not here. I need them. Give them back to me. Give me something to take my mind away. I am losing it. I want to scream. Why am I writing this? Please let me login so I can get away.

I think I have figured it out. My mind is free to wonder in this down time. I need something to put my mined to. Anything to think about instead of nothing. I think Teresa is right, I need help. But where am I going to get it. I am afeard to get it, I feel so lost and scared. And I have no one and nothing here to anchor me down. I want to run, but where to? I want to go home, but where is home? I don’t feel at home with Teresa’s family, I don’t feel as if I belong with my parents. I feel like I am losing everything. I should not feel like this. I am succeeding where others are failing. I have a job, I can support my family, I can pay my bills, we are putting money aside for savings.

I have rambled for so long now, and this feeling will not go away. I am going to stop, and find anything to do so this does not consume me.

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Hi,

Yes, I am still out here on the road. I won’t be going home until Christmas. I am in Mt. Pleasant, IA waiting to be unloaded. I am feeling good and staying busy.

When I got that load delivered in Greensboro, NC I went to Gary burg, NC and picked up a load that delivered in Iowa City, IA.
After that I went and picked up a load in Ames, IA That delivered in Lawton, MI. Once I delivered that load I was then sent to pickup this load that I am delivering now.

They have me planned on a load to pick up right after my trailer is empty. It picks up in Cedar Rapids, IA to deliver in Columbus, OH.

That is all that I have going on so I will close for now and write later.

Love,
Mom

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Hi,

I know it probably seems like a long time since I last wrote any thing. I am sorry I have been feeling really tired lately. The new medication the Doctor put me on for my high blood pressure is causing this to happen I was told my body would get used to it but it hasn’t. I talked to the Doctor today and he is going to make some changes to it on Monday when I can get to a pharmacy that he can fax a new prescription to.

As a lot of you know as usual there is just no way I can get home on time. After I delivered that load in Corrine, UT I was sent to Spanish Fork, UT to pick up a load going to Seymour, IN (as west as you can get). Once I delivered that load I went to Brownsburg, IN and picked up a load going to Hope, AR (yes, boyhood home of Bill Clinton, At least that is what the sign says).

My next load picked up in Conway, AR going to Rochelle, IL I only took it as far as St. Louis, MO where I traded loads with a driver who’s load was going to Portland, OR. Yes, I finally was headed in the right direction. I didn’t get home in time for the birthday party that my sister and Dad had planned, but after I delivered that load in Portland I headed home.

I was at home for a week. Keith and I took the bike over to Teresa and Pat’s where we were able to have lunch with them Aunt Pat, Jason, his daughter Isis and Gabe. My Dad came over on Friday and spent most of the day with him. Tim, Taran, Tammy and John were all over on Sunday.

I left out that Monday to pick up a load in West Linn, OR and took it to Reno, NV where I got to have early morning coffee with Uncle Sam before he went to work. After delivery I the went to Stockton, CA to pick up a load at the yard there going to Fresno, CA. Once that delivery was made I went up to Fairfield, CA and picked up a load that delivered in Chino, CA. I barely had time to get that load delivered before I had to pick up the next load in Ontario, CA that went to Laredo, TX

I picked up my next load there at the Laredo yard and delivered it last night in Conyers, GA (Atlanta area). Then this morning I picked up this load in East Point, GA and I am sitting here in Greensboro, NC waiting to deliver.

Well that pretty much catches everyone up with what I have going on. I have heard from quit a few of you. I like to know what you are all doing and how things are going. That is it for now I will write later.

Love
Mom

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Ok, Now I have been working here six week. They have moved me to second shift, on the way to third. The job itself is easy, and not what I expected it to be. Whit this project just really getting under way now, many people are not sure what exactly each position will be doing, but the fact is the section I am in is the only one that works my shift. I think I will have to learn a lot about the other position to do my job well. So far I like the job and lam looking forward to see what this all turns into in the end.

Teresa and the girls seam to be doing well. Angel got all ‘A’s on her report card. And Dana is getting into the terrible twos. They may come out here in December around Christmas to visit. I am still looking for a way to get our household goods here so that they will have something to sleep on. Either that or we will need to sell off a lot of the stuff we have in storage. Really, all I wan to keep is the books and computers, even though I think I will have to fix the computers after being in storage all summer. But that is neither here nor there.

I am still looking for what I will get the girls for Christmas, I have picked out a few things for Teresa that I think she will like. As for me, I don’t care if I get anything this year, as I am every year. I have stuff I would like to get. But I can live with out most of it.

I would like to start working on the camaro again, but right now I have no place to work on it. I might have to get a storage unit or rent one of the garages at the apartment to have a place to work. But I think I can not use the garage for that. I have found the pick apart, I am thinking of going over there and seeing what they have, but until I get a place to work I can’t really go get parts. There is so much I need to do with the camaro, I think I will finish working on the body, but I am not going to give it a final paint job until every thing is done. I put together a Myspace page for the camaro, I named her Tatiana. I will start logging every thing I do to here an posting it there in her blog space. I think there might be some people that will like to read and see the work as I do it.

That is really all I have going on right now. We will see what happens in the next week or two.

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http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27555714/

Now Obama is hitting at the hart of free enterprise. I do agree with the thought that some executives within companies are over compensated, but the government should not have a say in how much a company pays its executives. Congress is looking at a five part plan to “FIX” the over compensation Issue. Of these five parts I only agree with the first. Share holders should be allowed to call meetings to and vote on dismissing board members. This is only the right of the person who has invested in a company.

As for the second point, I do not think that the federal government should be able to place any cap on anyone’s income. If we give this right to the government where will is stop. I have worked hart to get to where I am, and I will work hard to get to where I want to be in the next ten years. If there is a cap places on any executive position, than there is a calling for achievement. Placing this calling on executive income is only the first step to a socialist economy. If I want to get paid the same as everyone else I would stay in the army. I do not agree with controlled compensation. If they start to can troll how much people are getting paid, then there will be no reason to work harder. Many of you may have heard the saying “good enough for government work.” well that comes for the thought that no matter who hard I work on it or how good my work is, I am getting paid the same. That is where this path will lead.

The final three points of this plan are iffy in my opinion. But read the article for your self. Do some thing unique, form your own opinion, don’t sponge off me.

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This is a sad day for America. Yes it may be a momentous day in history, We have elected our first African-American president. The fact the he is African-American is not where I have and issue.

I know I might make people mad with this post, but I have never been one to care about what others think of my opinions. Before you read farther, remember what it is to be an American, and have the freedom of speech. Being an American means I can have my own opinion, and I can voice it anywhere I want. There are many places in this world where you would not have this opportunity. With that in mind I will voice my opinion about this election.

We have just seen that the presidency can be bought. Our President elect spent over 300 million on his campaign. His Opponent spent just over 100 million. This man we elected is going to fix our economy? Many of the main points in his campaign platform were un-American in my opinion. He is a great speaker; he has moved his people to action. The African-American population made an appearance at the poles as if the messiah had returned and ran for president. Election a man based on his race is wrong, and I know that that is the driving force in many of the voters. If you fall into that category, I an sorry that you a blinded color.

Mr. Obama has a plan for socialistic healthcare for America. First I do not think Healthcare should be handled by the Federal Government. This will add issue to many areas of the economy. First, many people will drop Health insurance they already have, why pay for it when you can get it for free. What will happen to the insurance companies when that happens? Second, nothing is free, the money to pay for this socialistic Healthcare must come from somewhere. Where do you think it will come from? I will ell you, Taxes. Yea they will have to raise taxes to pay for the free health care. That means those of us who work will once again be given the burden paying for those who don’t, Welfare all over again. Third, is the socialistic healthcare in other countries so much better than ours? If you, why does our healthcare system make most of the medical advances?

I am an advocate for the right to bare arms. I believe that we should have the right, because these who don’t follow the laws will have them anyway. Besides, when has banning anything ever worked in America.

One of the good things about being in America is things will change. We elected this man for change, and change will happen. With a democratic congress and president, the gridlock will ease off the congressional process. This will come to pass more easily. But will the changes be for the better? Will the congress change in the next election? One thing must come to pass first, before any real change can take place. Mr. Obama must fix the things he thinks are wrong now. And the fact is that the president is limited in his actual powers. He can do nothing with out the Congress. And the Congress will be looking at what is best for them to keep their jobs. You can not make extreme changes with out consequences. All the changes will cost money to come, that money must come from somewhere. Once again, more taxes. I will admit that we were going to get more taxes no mater who we elected. But I do not want to see my tax money spent on many of the things that are going to be proposed.

The real test of this election will be seen in the next election. In two more years we will see how many of the great people who voted this man into office still agree with what he stand for. He is inexperience with vary little love for what this country stands for. He does not even like our national anthem. That is a part of our countries history. We have elected a man who does not like what America is. What have we done?

All I can say is wait and see what this President does, and if we don’t like it, we can elect a new one in four years. I just fear what these next four years will bring

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