Kellogg's Korner

God Bless Adam and my family-all of my family. What they have had to endure at the hand of an unstable wife and mother almost causes an insanity in itself.
For all my life, I have been in a war, if you will, with myself. Although thankfully I have caused no bloodshed, I have caused a lot of suffering. In my younger days, for a school assignment, I read a story of how a man is only free when he has destroyed his inner demons-what the author forgot to put in there was how long the fighting or war would persist.
It is my belief that Adam and some of my other family members must think I make things up of the unbelievable based on the fact that I probably do only have a few “marbles’” rolling around here and there.
Something is different about me..I possess a quality of a sense that others may not have. Because of my “sensing”, I am being punished by a demon that cannot be freed no matter how hard I try.
No, I am not possessed by some demon like you might find in exorcisms, but he or it is still there.
As a young child, I had the best and worst of everything. I went to only private schools-only until my 10th grade year had I left the “private” sector. Everyday was a torture to live another brutal day in “weak-minded” society-I can’t even begin to tell you about the name-calling and alienation caused by heartless other kids, all because I wasn’t a string bean pole. I was treated as if I had leprosy.
I don’t know why I didn’t tell a teacher or my mom about the bullying. I figured that each day might get a little better, but sadly, things only got worse. It continued on until, like I said, I left the “private” sector. It is amazing how much better one can be treated when not in the presence of rich kids.
Because of my youth, which I will always blame-I am who I am-I can’t even begin to tell a story of lowest self-esteem. I don’t even know what I look like anymore-society has put numbers and scales to tell us how imperfect we are. Duh, I already knew that.
My own personal war isn’t always about not being a string bean. I battle everyday with fear that consumes me. Man cannot make enough drugs for my condition. “Hey doc, gotta pill that can expunge all of the bad energy?” I didn’t think so.
I feel like Satan is always trying at his best to make curse God and die, in a sense, of course. He makes attacks at family, and if I had many friends, he would seek them out too. He needs me because of my powers, but he will not win. It is in times of pain that I turn to God, not to hate, or Satan, or some other demonic force. This doesn’t make anything easy to come by, and it never will.
So Popeye, I am what I am and I had better get used to that. One day the Heavens and all of God’s glory will make me understand what it was all about.
So again, I thank my family for holding on and not giving me the boot.
One day God will pull me out of the darkness and help me see the lighted clearing. I am remembering that story again…here is the rest of it..it should make sense now:

All honor then to that brave heart
Though poor or rich he be
Who struggles with his baser part
Who conquers and is free
He may not wear a hero’s crown
Or nil a hero’s grave
But truth will place his name among
The bravest of the brave

Thanks Charles J. Barnes, circa late 1800′s.
May God Bless you as well.

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